Friday, July 24, 2009

Help, seriously, help

Any of you guys sometimes just feel really stupid? I feel really stupid most of the time now. I have trouble saying words, pronouncing almost everything and just thinking quickly on my feet. I don't know what my problem is anymore, but I feel like such a dunce meeting new people cause I can't hardly remember things just said to me 5 minutes previously....It would suck if I have early Alzheimer's....But honestly, I think that is the way I have been feeling. I am pretty sure it is just cause my brain is a muscle that isn't being put to use....

help?!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Mission: Remove Eye and other things

Since my daughter has been to the ocularist, she has been blinking her eye tons. I decided since all the lub. ointments don't seem to be helping that I should take out the eye and clean it. This was the first time I have had to do this since she got her custom eye. (before that it just sort of fell out). Well the first try, I was very unsuccessful. She was good (she does my eye while I do her eye and makes it more of a game), but I just couldn't get it. When I started to tear up and get frustrated, I let it go. The next day was beach day anyway. So I HAD to do it. SHe again was very good. I got it on my second try! YAY. Cleaned it very well then put it back in NO problems. Then she went off to play and I just stood there and started crying. It was a successful venture, but everything we just went through this past year hit me like a ton of bricks.

We are nearing the anniversary of her diagnosis and her first cycle of chemo, all this coupled with her birthday last year. Her first birthday. The day I just wanted to reflect back on her birth and how much her being with us means to me. Instead I woke up earlier than early for her first surgery (port), then held her down as she kicked like hell as the nurse injected her with the poison that was going to help kill her tumor. This year...I am going to try to reflect on how lucky we are that she is still with us and some of the better parts of this past year as well as try not to dwell on all that went with her cancer.