1 day to C day

Cancer really sucks. I am scared and anxious and angry. Yes angry. I am angry that it wasn't noticed months sooner. Chances are my daughter was blind at 8 or 9 months (now that we know what to look for in the photos). She definitely was blind at her last well baby visit. I wish I had caught it sooner. I am usually so good at knowing when things are not right. I missed this one. Maybe that is why I am angry. Anyway, I think I make it a mission to get thorough eye exams a standard part of wellness visits (as I am told by a pediactric friend are, but apparently not). Anyway, so we are in Miami now. We leave to go to the hospital just to meet the oncologist around 11. Then I am sure we will wait a few hours. Then we come back to the hotel and prepare for tomorrow. I can't wait for this to all be over with and we are only starting this process. At least tonight we will get one last night of baby girl pre chemo. Of course we haven't had our first experience yet, but I think it is safe to say, CHEMO SUCKS. CANCER SUCKS.

Cancer

No matter how I write it, say it, read it-it all doesn't seem real. Baby girl has Retinoblastoma. It sucks to be that parent. The one that you say wow that sucks to be that parent, then you find yourself as that parent. It sucks more than I could have ever imagined. They say it is contained...two days to wait...will it still be contained? I want to hold her 24/7 and of course that is ridiculous, she won't allow that anymore. This is all I can write now.

swimming

That is right, she wants to swim. She doesn't want or feel the need to have her mom hold her. I do, of course. She does think that water is for drinking and it has more chlorine in it than any pool I have ever been in-which is a good thing. I got bare butt pictures of her today before her bath-that was after pool time. I can't wait put them in her yearbook. I am that kind of mom.

Whoops

Didn't do a thing about my resume today. My daughter and I went swimming after the ADT guy came and set up our alarm.
Now I wonder if we even need this alarm. And of course we had to pay to get a new box installed....Yup. Of course we had to pay.

Something fun and unexpected-our old mortgage company actually sent us a check! Seriously! They owed us money! When does that ever happen. I am suspect, but will cash it anyway (we need the money).

Its Time

For me to get a job. I wanted to be one of those stay at home moms and be happy, but I am not built for it. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but I feel lazy staying at home all day. I need to be writing my resume right now, but here I am blogging. I am sad to leave my life in the theatre. While in it, all I wanted to be was out-now I miss it. I am going to do more for me, "us" painting...pricing out paints already. Any requests? I paint large scale...I guess that is how we will be setting up our lanai, as my paint studio. I am too messy to paint large scale in the house....